1.06.2008

A Tribute To Jerry And Thank You To All My Friends & Loved Ones


Well it has been 16 days since Jerry's death and it has been the hardest 16 days of my life. I also know I will have many more bad days ahead. I cannot begin to express in words how much the support and prayers that we received from so many of you meant to us. I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Jerry is resting in peace now. I have spent hours going over in my head what could have been done to have changed this final outcome...I finally came to the understanding that it really does not matter now... there is no rewind button.. no do overs. There is nothing that I can do or say that will change my world back to the way it was. I will continue to miss my sweet baby for the rest of my life... but I also know that time does heal all wounds... so that is what I am focusing on.. time healing my wound. Jerry will be deeply missed forever by everyone who knew him. For those of you who did not have the privilege of knowing Jerry... let me take a few minutes and give you an idea of who this young man is. To begin with he had a heart of gold, a smile that would melt your heart and he would give you his shirt off his back if you needed it. I remember right after my ex-husband and I separated the kids and I moved into our first place .. money was tight so it took us awhile to furnish the house. I had a couple of friends that gave us three mattresses that they were not using... I took the oldest one and gave the kids the newest ones... the mattress I had was horrible .. it had springs sticking out .. but we were thankful to have a soft place to lay our heads.. Jerry came into my room one day and laid down on the bed with me to chat and he said to me.. "mom how can you sleep on this bed?" A few days later Jerry took his paycheck, bummed a ride from a friend and bought me a nice mattress pad, he put it on the bed and re-made the bed. I came home from work that evening and went in my room... as I sat on the bed, I will never forget him looking at me from around the corner with this huge smile on his face asking me if I noticed anything different. His older sister who is putting herself through college was short on her rent .. he found out about it and he sent her his entire paycheck... never thought twice about it nor asked to be paid back... Jerry loved all animals and all animals loved Jerry... when we lived in Colorado we would go hiking in the mountains a lot ..that was his favorite place... he was the only one of us who could get the chipmunks to eat out of his hand. He loved the water.. he could swim like a fish! He loved going with me on Thanksgiving day and passing out meals and coats to the homeless. The best way to describe Jerry...a gentle, selfless soul... a giving person. This is why we are looking into starting a foundation or memorial fund in his memory. We want to use the funds to provide shoes, school supplies, medical supplies and I am going to donate my time in the medical clinics to children who are not as fortunate as most. I read in one of my books a quote by Goethe that reads, "It is the nature of grace to fill spaces that have been emptied." The book went on to say .."Not that we can't tell the difference. Not that we are being disloyal. But if life gives us something else to do with all those impulses towards the one no longer with us, how can we not be grateful? It's like an extra inheritance--a blessing, even from the one we have lost, going to someone else who needs what we have to give. So we are refreshed by the memory of the loved one, and at the same time offering a gift, creating new relationships." So I will not only heal myself but at the same time not let Jerry's death be in vain.. I want.. no I need Jerry's gentle soul to be his legacy... The Jer-Bear Foundation. We will send out e-mails and a quick mention on the blog spot when everything is set up.
Rest in peace my sweet son.. we will dance together again someday.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

momma we all love you. and we all miss jerr bear soooo much we think about him every single day. and jerr was an amazing, sweet hearted brother thats for sure. me and him bumped heads a couple times but thats watt brothers and sisters do. being a twin was probably the best part of my life it was something not everybody could have and you have this connection in your heart.i just wish i could have thanked him for everything, but he knew we loved him. anyways we'll all make it itll take time and we will always have the empty feeling in our hearts but just remember that jerr would not want too see us sad, he didnt mean for this pain.

WE LOVE YOU MOMMA
Jess, Manny, and LaLa :)